The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
