i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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