I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
