Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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