If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
