I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize
