you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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