Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
