Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
