dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
