So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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