Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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