you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
