:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I wish they made helmets for livers.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
