I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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