I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
