I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
