i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
