I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
