people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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