my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
