If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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