I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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