apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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