puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
