He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
