Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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