Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
