singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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