it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
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