so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
