some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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