Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
