my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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