i don't plan on having that self control this summer
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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