Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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