I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
