I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
