i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
