They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
