guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
PANTIES FOUND
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