So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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