I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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