Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
