i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
