Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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