I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
