haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
