You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
