her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
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